Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!
This morning I was feeling melancholy, and I grabbed my mom's old photo album and ended up transporting myself to days gone by as well as the shedding of a few tears. Oh, how I would love to go back in time and see family on Christmas for just one day. They're all gone now. All of them--grandma and grandpa, Ruth, Uncle Collis, Harry, dad, and mom passed last year. All I have left is the few cousins. We were a small family. I was an only child and mom's 4 siblings only had a couple of kids each. And sadly, us cousins were never really very close, even as children.
Some of these cousins I have managed to find through Google, FB, and Classmates and we have been in contact; still others I have attempted to contact, but have received no response. For the life of me, I don't understand. We are all that is left of the old days. Sure, mom alienated all of her family, but 50 years has passed. It was mom who caused the instability in the family, not me. All I did was drift away. Isn't it time to let go of old resentments and become a family once more for the time we have left? Why is it just so hard to let go?
Maybe I ask too much of them. Maybe they don't want any part of the past. Maybe they have painful memories that I know nothing about. But, my memories are painful as well. I am not giving up, though. My life is finally becoming complete, and I refuse to let go.
(Sorry for the quality of the picture. It's old and in order to avoid the light of the flash I had to take it at an angle.)