Saturday, August 26, 2017

Sorry

Our culture teaches us how to numb and distract ourselves but not how to listen to our pain and learn from our difficulties. Think what we learn about pain from television. We learn that pain is to be avoided at all costs and that there are a variety of pain relievers for every conceivable pain. I would like to see a commercial that says, "Your pain is a great teacher. Learn from it and be healed."
Bernie Seigel

Oh, my, where to begin.  First let me apologize for being gone so long.  I know some of you may have been worried, but, the truth is, I thought you guys knew I'd be gone for awhile until I visited this morning and saw that I had pushed 'save' instead of 'publish' for a post that would explain my absence.  I thought maybe since I had a repetition injury, resting would help.

I think all of you knew that I have been having problems with my shoulder and neck.  Still do.  Think it's going to be a permanent thing now.  Hope not, but sure isn't going away.  I went to PT once, but could not afford the $35 a week co-pay so I didn't go back.  Instead I started classes in meditation and qigong which my union offers free to its retirees.  I also do line dancing.  Been off for a month now though since they are on vacation and my body really misses it.  Pain has increased.  I try to do the exercises at home, but something always gets in the way. 

Of course, I couldn't rest it completely.  I did manage to complete my aromatherapy and crystal healing courses and am now considered a practitioner.  Now I am back with the New Order of Druids completing my Druid courses.  Just have to keep myself busy.

On another note, I am sad to announce that we are looking for another place.  I'd thought this apartment would be my last place to live and truly loved it, but, the Chinese are taking over the area, buying up all the homes, and building these ugly tall buildings which take away all the ambience of the neighborhood.  About a month ago they purchased the two houses next to me and are in the process of tearing them down.  The noise is outrageous.  I can deal with that, but it's the permanent night in my house that's getting me down....and when the new building is built I fear it will only be worse.  They are cutting me off from all the sun.  Already lost my herb garden.  These pictures should explain our situation and what we are going through.


 This is the view from my bedroom window.
 That tall building is new and this is what is going up next door to us.  Talk about total darkness.  My house will become like a dungeon.
 From my kitchen window.  Scaffolding takes up half our courtyard.
The window with the blue curtain is my bathroom window.  The window blocked off is my bedroom.  It's awful.
A picture I took of my bedroom in the MIDDLE of the day.  

My electric bill is going up because I cannot even cook without the lights on.  And what gets me, is no one lives in these buildings (there are 6 on my block alone).  They build them and they sit empty.  Not sure what is going on, but the community is having a "Save our Neighborhood" rally Sunday evening.  Don't think it will help any because these rich Chinese businessmen have the city council in their pockets, but at least I won't be feeling so helpless.  

Well, that's all this morning.  Been de-cluttering for the move which looks like it will take some time.  Just can't find affordable housing here in Brooklyn and 200,000 on waiting lists for senior housing.  Something has to be done.  Near tears here so I have to stop talking about it.  Breaks my heart.

Have a good one...and I promise, I will be back.

Monday, May 1, 2017

May Day, Beltane Greetings




"Sweet May hath come to love us,
Flowers, trees, their blossoms don;
And through the blue heavens above us
The very clouds move on."
  Heinrich Heine

Hi all.  Been having some crazy up and down weather here in Brooklyn.  Up in the 80's over the weekend, then back down to the 60's yesterday.  This is my last week of school this semester so I'm hoping to have some nice weather so I can spend some time in the park.  Also received my Silver Sneakers card and plan on taking up some chair yoga at the gym.  For those who don't know, and I was one of them until recently, Silver Sneakers is a free gym program for senior citizens.  My plan just got it this year.  

May Day. Beltane. The height of spring. A day to spend in nature, a day to celebrate new beginnings. The fairies are 'a dancin'. Nope. Don't want to spend this day cooped up in a library. Feels kind of cool out, but I'm just going to bundle up and head on over to one of my favorite spots in the city, the land of my ancestors. Can't be that cold can it?

Spring sure has sprung at Brooklyn College.   So beautiful.  I come alive at this time of year.  What a perfect time for the Arthritis Foundation to have a 21 day challenge to walk 30 minutes a day if physically possible.  Charging my tracker and ready to go.










So I dropped out of my doctorate program.  I don't know if I made a mistake or not, but I just wasn't getting the best vibes from the school.  They would only allow one course at a time and one lesson a week.  So, for my first course I sent my first lesson on a Friday.  That meant I had to wait until the following Friday to submit another lesson, even if I was done earlier.  With 15 lessons in the course, that's a full 15 weeks for ONE course only.  Then I could move onto the next which was 16 lessons.  That would be another 16 weeks.  That is 31 weeks for only two courses, over half a year, and I had 11 more courses to go.  Heck, I'm 70 years old.  I'd be in my 80's when I finished. 

Have a good one.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Speaking to the Departed




Parents belong to the world of the past; children belong to the world of the future. Both share the world of the present, but neither can enter or fully understand the other's world and time. It is easier to communicate across miles than across years. We meet and laugh awhile; we separate and grieve awhile. And then we remember.

Joseph A. Bauer


Good morning.  It's back to school day today.  Been on spring break for two weeks now. I am sorry that today will be my last Feng Shui class, and I don't think she will be coming back next semester. When asked she didn't give an answer, but my impression was that she has already made up her mind not to teach.  At any rate, she awakened my interest in the subject as well as 9 Star Astrology and pendulum use.  In fact, I've been using the pendulum to speak with departed family members, and on Easter, when all the family was together and I sat alone, mom sat with me for the first time.  (Of course, I am still learning).


I didn't plan on it, but when the teacher showed me how to program it, I decided it was worth a shot.  Here is a brief example of my first communication.

"Show me yes.  Show me neutral.  Show me no"  Okay ready.
"Mom, are you here with me?"  The pendulum responded "no".
"Dad, are you hare with me?"  The pendulum responded "yes".
"Grandma Lauvenia, are you here with me"?  The pendulum responded "yes".  
"Grandpa Edward, are you here with me?"  The pendulum responded "yes".  
"Mom, are you here with me"?  Again it responded "no".
"Will mom ever forgive me?"  The pendulum responded "yes."  
"Will Tom ever forgive me?"  The pendulum responded "no."  Tom is my eldest son who never really knew me.  

So, this is how it went the several times I used my pendulum.  Always the same responses....until Easter Sunday when I found myself sitting home alone, in tears.  (Ralph had gone to visit his son.)  My daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren were all together.  

"Is Mom with them at the Easter party?"  The pendulum responded "no".
"Mom, are you here with me today?"  The pendulum responded "yes".  

More tears, but now they were tears of joy.  Mom chose to spend the holiday with me.


Saturday, April 22, 2017

I'm Back

Just as the life that pulses in our bodies goes back to the beginnings of the Earth, so too does that heartbeat carry the pulse of those that come after. By the power of our imagination we can sense the future generations breathing with the rhythm of our own breath or feel them hovering like a cloud of witnesses. Sometimes I fancy that if I were to turn my head suddenly, I would glimpse them over my shoulder. They and their claim to life have become that real to me.

Joanna Macy

Wow, I've been gone for awhile now, haven't I?  Been having a lot of problems with my shoulders and neck due to repetition injury--too much computer.  My doctor referred me to a physical therapist, but, heck, at $35 a pop I couldn't afford it on my limited income.  Worked 50 years, and this is what I get.  Can't even get the care I need because my insurance plan prices the co-pay out of my reach, and ironically, those who have never worked--speaking of my ex clients now--get everything handed to them.  Something pretty unfair there.  

So, the physical therapist understood and gave me some exercises to do at home.  I've also been wearing a medicine bag of stones and crystals for pain--quartz, amethyst, dalmation jasper, and raw carnelian.  The set of bags came in 12 different colors so they match all my outfits.


I also wear my chakra bracelet at all times.  A friend had charged it and sent it to me to see if it helped...and it helps so much that I am now enrolled in Reiki classes.  Still on Level 1, but loving it already.

Well, since the time we last spoke, the wheels have turned, and I have entered into my 8th decade of life.  I now consider myself an elder.  I have to admit that sometimes I do get misty eyed.  Seems like life is passing by faster than I want it to. 

My birthday was a quiet affair.  My son, daughter, and grandson came.  We ordered pizza and stayed in.  Ralph gave me a basket of fruit and $300.  


My son gave me this awesome jewelry box.  I keep all my precious bracelets in it. 





My daughter gave me a dozen roses, the cake, and bought the pizza.  Sadly, noticeably absent were my granddaughters.  My daughter said they both had to work, but I didn't even get a card from either of them.  They were always there showering my mom with gifts on her birthday and being sure to take her out, but I receive nothing.  This, despite them saying that they love me. I'm sorry, but actions speak louder than words.  Never even got a Happy Easter from my one granddaughter.

I really can't blame them.  After all, I wasn't there for them when they were growing up, but darn, how are they going to get to know me if we don't communicate.  I used to always comment on their Facebook pages but they never respond.  To friends they do, but not to me. Many times I end up in tears.  Ralph told me I have to let it go.  I have to stop allowing myself to get hurt over and over again.  But how?  I want my family so bad.  It seems that all was going well until they asked me about growing up with mom at the picnic last year, and I told them how it was for me.  My granddaughter practically called me a liar when she said, "I don't understand it.  I've never known her to be that way."  My response in so many words was, she learned from the mistakes she made with me.  And my daughter, she knows the truth because mom was even mean to her, but she stayed silent.  Was I supposed to lie and say what a wonderful mom I had?  But I left home anyway?

And dad.  I will carry to my grave what he did to me.  Even my daughter doesn't know.  Because, of course, they will call me a liar because he was their hero, not the alcoholic that beat me and raised welts on my back because I inadvertently passed gas....or the dad who asked me to spin around again when I went to show off the new dress I was wearing to my first dance.  It wasn't until later that I realize he'd been leering at my panties.  

Gosh, but those days are over, and I've learned to forgive.  Now, if only my grandchildren would learn to forgive me before it is too late, just the way it was with me and my mom.  I never got closure.  Gosh, am I feeling melancholy today.  Believe me, I am grateful for all that I have and don't mean to ramble on what was.  Sometimes it's just hard to separate the two.

Have a good one.


Friday, February 3, 2017

The Mysterious Little Black Dress



Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would
be left to strive for if everything were known?

Charles DeLint
Good morning everyone.  It's a chilly one for sure.  This morning I am off to Weight Watchers.  I remain on my plateau, only 20 pounds until goal....and free meetings....yet the scale isn't budging.  I've been playing with the same .6 pounds, up and down, since Christmas, and last week I was so frustrated because I SHOULD HAVE had a loss.  Heck, I'd been watching food intake, tracking, and walking anywhere from 2 -3 1/2 miles a day. But, after coming this far I'd be a total fool to quit.  As my leader always as, "The check is in the bank". 

I love a good mystery, don't you?  So, the other day the doorbell rang and UPS had a package for me from Amazon.  Not only was the box all battered and taped up, but I haven't seen this kind of box in awhile.  I also have not ordered anything.




So I open it, and there is a little black dress.  It's still wrapped in the packaging, but there is nothing else in the box.  No invoice.  No gift card.  Nothing.  I called Amazon, and they could not find any record of this.   I posted it on Facebook in case one of my family members or friends had sent it as a gift.  No luck  My daughter suggested a secret admires.  Then I found a number written in the return address and called it.  The man knew exactly why I was calling.  It seems that several months ago, after I had purchased some nightgowns through Amazon, they called and asked if I would be interested in testing out a new brand they were incorporating into their line.  It's been so long I'd forgotten all about it, and in no way did this look like a nightgown.
 The picture doesn't do it justice, but I can just picture this with a strand of pearls and a black straw hat with a white flower.  I've heard nothing from Amazon about it, and when I called I was told I could throw it away or keep it.  You just know I'm going to keep it.  Already have plans for it.  

Just a little disappointed that I don't have a secret admirer.  Oh well.

Have a good one. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Imbolc Blessings

Wishing you all a BlESSED IMBOLC.   Having a quiet day today.  Our Imbolc meal will be boneless chicken cutlets stuffed with peppered cheese and ham and roasted root vegetable.  Later lighting my candles, drawing an oracle card,  and having a solitary ritual. 

 My beautiful Brigid figurine.
 

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

My Little Fairy Garden


Faeries, come take me out of this dull world,
For I would ride with you upon the wind,
Run on the top of the dishevelled tide,
And dance upon the mountains like a flame.
William Butler Yeats
Yesterday a rant.  Today some fun.  Just prior to Christmas I decided my Christmas present to myself would be a fairy village, so I went on a spending spree.  Now I have to worry about paying it back, but with strict budgeting that will all work out.  Thought I'd just share some pictures with you today.
 My Disney characters.
 A few items too large for my village. Love my little mermaid in the back.
 Look at the little birdie.
The Realm of Fairy is a strange shadow land, lying just beyond the fields we know.
Author Unknown

 My little mermaid.
 All set up.  Lots of tweaking to do.

Buttercups in the sunshine look like little cups of gold.
Perhaps the Faeries come to drink the raindrops that they hold.
Elizabeth T. Dillingham

Monday, January 30, 2017

Monday Morning Blues




Every man has a right to his own opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. Bernard Baruch, 1946


Alternative facts are not facts, they're falsehoods.
Chuck Todd, 2017 January 22nd, to Kellyanne Conway, Meet the Press (NBC)

Good morning on this awesome Monday, the beginning of a new week.  Trying to keep myself upbeat lately, but it's not been easy to do.  My heart is breaking about what is going on in my country, and I am afraid....afraid that the monster is trying to start a war because in his own words 'the big mistake was that we didn't steal their oil.  Maybe we'll get another chance'.  I worry for my children, my grandchildren my great grandchildren and my generations to come.  What kind of world will they be entering into?  I worry for my Muslim neighbors, some of the nicest people in the building.  I question how long this monster will be allowed to destroy all the good our nation was built upon before taking him down. Even the Republicans are now beginning to question his mental health.

Yes, I have having a hard time with this.  I will be 70 years old in a little over a month, and I haven't had such fear since the Cuban Missile Crisis.  I remember staring out my window in the middle of the night, night after night, watching for those missiles to come. Fortunately, they never did.   I marched in the 60's and 70's for the very rights they are trying to take away, and I feel so helpless.  I am doing all that I can possibly do, joining organizations, signing petitions, also planning on getting out there and marching with my fellow Sunset Parkers.  And I watch millions more doing the same thing.  But I also watch him daily signing one executive order after another without any regard for the lives of others.  I've shed my tears, lit candles, prayed, meditated, and called out to the goddess for help.  Last night I lit a candle and sat in silence, just me and the dove of peace.


When there is a lack of honor in government, the morals of the whole people are poisoned. Herbert Hoover, 1964

I'm tired of hearing, "You lost.  Get over it".  My feelings have nothing to do with Republican or Democrat, and I am not whining because Hillary lost.  I'm shedding tears because our president has no morality.  I understand that many were so disenchanted with the government that they wanted something different, but by now it should be obvious that Trump was not the one.  He is steadily leading us to war.  Heck, the terror groups are now saying, "Look, the Americans hate us.  They won't even let us in their country."  And this morning the Mosque killings?  No one can convince me that, even though it happened in another country, it was inspired by Trump's hate speeches. So for all those who say 'get over it', I got news for them.  We ALL lost on this one.
Last night, in the midst of all the chaos at the airport, while all the innocents were being held and kept from going home, a smiling Ivanka and her hubby published a photo of themselves dressed up and out on a date.   Have they no heart?  Have they no clue?  Or are they just plain clueless.  In any case, we are in trouble because they are a part of the White House.

Thanks for listening.

THE PRESS MUST BE FREE. It has always been so, and much evil has been corrected by it.— If Government finds itself annoyed by it, let it examine its own conduct, and it will find the cause,— let it amend it, and it will find the remedy.

Thomas Erskine, Thomas Paine libel trial, 1792

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Good morning

Old Time, that greatest and longest established spinner of all!.... his factory is a secret place, his work is noiseless, and his hands are mutes. 

Charles Dickens


Good morning everyone.  Wow, what a storm we had last night.  I hear some rain hitting the AC so I guess the storm is not yet over. No plans to go out today.  Yesterday I spent the whole day at the eye surgeon with hubby.  He had his second cataract out.  I've got them, too, but I can still see, and I am really kind of chicken.  I know the surgery is really quite painless, but as long as my opthamologist feels I can wait, I'll wait.  This old age is no picnic.


Found this metal tin on Etsy and had to have it.  My grandmother always had them.  This one features goddesses of the four seasons.  In it I keep some of my candles and crystals.

So, my goddaughter has another new man in her life.  You remember her.  The one who keeps meeting men on Facebook, ending up abused in some way, and calling the relationship quits but not until after she has a baby.  She's got 4 children now and thankfully has had her tubes tied, but she does have a new man in her life.  This one she met on a dating site.    I met him and he was very nice.  And, perhaps it's me, but there's something strange about this man.

I mean, if he turns out to be the real thing for her, I'm happy.  Don't get me wrong.  But, the man  put his name on her baby's birth certificate and claimed him as his own after dating her a little over a month.  Now, there is no taking that back.  This is lifetime.  Should they break up he could take her to court over the baby, or, more than likely, he can be stuck paying child support for a child that is not his for a good many years.  My thing is, why not wait and see if the relationship is going to last before taking such a big step?  What I am seeing is two lonely, desperate people looking for love, but not thinking about consequences of their hasty decisions.  And the poor little boy is at the middle of it.

Wow, just looking at the calendar.  January is almost over.  How fast time is flying!!!  NO, NO, NO.  Don't know if I am ready to enter my 8th decade.  I will be what they call a Septuagenarian, that is a person between the age of 70 years and 80 years.  Seems like yesterday I was celebrating the big 50.  Oh well.  Time marches on.

Have a good one.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Hi Everyone



First we are children to our parents, then parents to our children, then parents to our parents, then children to our children.

Milton Greenblatt

Gosh, it has been so long.  Just haven't been able to visit here.  My apologies. I always say I am going keep up with this, and then I do the opposite.   So much going on.  Had some shoulder issues which made it hard for me to type so I stayed away from the computer as much as possible to allow it time to heal.  Repetition injury and a bit of osteoarthritis. I hate that crunching sound when I move it.   Golly, this growing old is no picnic for sure.  

Got some awesome news for you.  As you know, a few years back I became an ordained interfaith minister.  Well, back in November for the heck of it I sent in my credentials, all courses taken, and my letter of intention.  Wasn't expecting anything, and even if accepted, wasn't planning on completing it because, honestly, I don't have the money.  Well, the first week of the year I not only got my acceptance into school, but with the scholarships for senior citizens and financially strapped individuals, I don't have to pay.....and I after completing a few necessary courses toward my Masters, I have been placed in the Doctorate Program with studies focusing on Feminist Theology.  Basically, the semester opens in March, but one of my core subjects is open now so I've been working on that.

Also signed up for a course 30 Days of Brigid.  It's part of a series of 30 day seasonal courses based on the wheel of the year.  Very enjoyable. 

My retiree classes at college start in February and will not interfere with my courses.  I am only taking three this year....Retirement and Aging, Creative Writing and Memoir Writing.   I gave up on the Spanish class before the end of the year.  We NEVER move on.  Each semester several new people join the class, and we end up starting at the beginning again.  Sorry,  but I have had enough.  Thought by now I'd be past greetings.

Oh yes, and I'm almost finished with my Crystal Healing course.  I keep myself busy for sure.    And I am now walking over two miles a day.  Big difference from three years ago when I could barely go a block.  Would never know I'm going to be 70 in two months.

I will leave you with a few pictures of Christmas with the family.  First one with us altogether in 40 years.  Only one missing was my eldest son who still has not found forgiveness in his heart.

 My daughter and I.
 My daughter and my grandchildren.
 Me and one of my great granddaughters.
 Me, my two sons, and my daughter.
 Granddaughter and her husband, great grandchildren, daughter and her friend.

 The two blonds are my great grandchildren.
My granddaughter and her husband, my grandson, my three great grandsons, and my great granddaughter.